Why We Don’t Celebrate Valentine

Neil claims our wedding vows stated we wouldn't celebrate Valentine and we wouldn't have to remember so called "important dates". We had two ceremonies and I don't remember that being in either of them. That's not to say it isn't true though. If I haven't already, I'll tell you about how Neil and I evolved into the couple before you today at a later date.

Anywho, no we don't celebrate Valentines and I for one am not disappointed about it. It's not that I'm not romantic, I just refuse to have my romantic dates dictated by someone or something who knows nothing about how I'm feeling on any given day. What if I'm pms-ing or heaven forbid, I'm having a woman's day (crude version – period) on February 14, then I'm kinda assed out if I had any plans for after dinner.

Another reason is because I have a great husband who spoils me or let's me spoil myself anyone of the 365 (366 leap year) days of the year. Mind you Neil has only bought me flowers twice in the soon to be six years we've been married, our first wedding ceremony and I can't remember what the second one was for. But although I don't remember the second occasion it surprised the hell out of me both times. He's one of the guys that if you buy him a card for ANY reason he'll look at it and say "oh that's nice" and you'll see it on the floor before the days end. For all of you who send Neil cards, now you know.

Neil shows me almost on a daily basis his feelings for me, whether it's running from 7-eleven to 7-eleven to find me some peanut butter cookies, massaging the back of my head while we both read, or the first cheap gift he got me for Christmas. It was a small backpack purse from the swap meet or something that may have cost about $5. But because I know how out of character that purchase was for him and he was unemployed at the time I still have, use and cherish that little black bag. Did I mention he gave it to me in the little, black, plastic bag FROM the store. Some of you may think dang that's sad, but that memory brings a smile to my face and a mist to my eyes. We met at the movies with Ashton (my stepson). When we were leaving he brought it to my car saying it just felt like getting me something for Christmas. He'll blow it off as nothing but it was something. Don't need no stickin' Valentine.

I have two wedding ring sets. The first one Neil got me. The engagement ring is white gold while the eternity band is silver. Man thing. When I told him I wanted a new set he just said okay and kept it pushing. Most men would have bitched and moan or said wait. Not my man. I didn't even bother him with the details I found rings I liked and I bought them. Why make him do something he doesn't want to do or doesn't mean anything to him. The only thing that matters to HIM about my rings is that it symbolizes our union and that I'm happy. Yet again don't need no stickin' Valentine.

I feel bad for women who have to wait for that one day a year to feel special and appreciated. While I love flowers and like having them around the house just because, I don't want them as a symbol of love. The way I see it, if your feelings are represented by something with such a short life span, in Morgan's words "I'm good." I also feel bad for those who use Valentines as a means for a date. Men, if you couldn't get a date before Valentine's then chances are your game will be just as dry when Valentine is over and she's had a free meal. Women, if you're going out on Valentine just so you can say you had a date, hell hang out with your girls or treat your own-self well. It's better than suffering through an evening you wouldn't have tolerated otherwise.

The worse part is using Valentine or any holiday to gauge how much someone loves you. Money or grand gestures once a year truly makes it a LABOR of love. He's trying to figure out what to buy or how to outdo last year and she's trying to put a new spin on an old trick. Because no day is promised don't wait for ANY holiday to show someone you love and care about them. Like Nike says "Just Do It™."

Neil took me and Morgan to lunch yesterday. In the middle of eating he asked me "how do you think our relationship is." I told him, then asked him the same question. I think it was a 5-minute conversation. Both being on our second marriage and in our 40's I think kind of moves us beyond the bullshit and drama. Thank God for small favors.