Showing posts with label bigmista. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bigmista. Show all posts

Monday, April 4, 2011

Doing Business While Black

Originally I was going to write a series of blog post about my trip to the NBBQA Conference and in a way this post is a result of that trip but it’s not about the people I met or the experiences I had. It’s about something that struck me when I got home. I told Neil about it and I got the “oh Lord” comment and head shake as he walked away. You already pretty much know why and if not you soon will. And so you don’t go off on a tangent before I do, let me give my disclaimer, that everything is based on my personal experience and not on generalizations or perception of the population at hand.

Quite a few of the conference attendees were competitors or soon to be on some level. For those of you who think competition barbecue is not a business then you don’t know enough about the sport. Yeah I said sport, now shut up so I can get to my point.

Okay one more thing. Don’t confuse competition barbecue with the plethora of barbecue joints spread across America and beyond. The general business of barbecue is prepared in various ways by various ethnicities. Nevertheless, the business of competition barbecue, as I’ve experienced it, is predominantly white male. Okay, with that said, I can get to my point.

The epiphany is not that I am black or female. However, being a BLACK FEMALE entrepreneur has never been more obvious to me than in the world of competition barbecue. I thought I could give a fat rat’s ass about who I dealt with on a business level as far as race is concern. That is still true for the most part. What I have realized, however, is that certain things are always in the back of your mind when your role changes from employee to entrepreneur. Moreover, if you were raised in a fashion similar to mine, then this is a completely new set of mind drama.

The sins of my aforementioned mind set have come back to bite me in the ass. I was one of the black folx that was of the mind you can’t do business with black folx because they don’t act right or do right. That’s not to say I didn’t or don’t patronize blacks (note the word was above), but whenever something would go wrong I would blame it on the criteria of blackness. To me it wasn’t about their skill set or an unfortunate circumstance. I don’t know when my paradigm shift occurred (maybe when I learned the meaning of paradigm) but it was well before we went into business for ourselves, but the shamefulness of my previous way of thinking didn’t hit me until the business.

Due to my earlier blatant stereotype of black people as a whole, I now find myself trying to live down real or imaginary perceptions that I once cast upon others on a conscience and sometimes constant basis. If it’s a time issue, I try to be early because I don’t want to be accused of operating on CP time (colored peoples time). Sometimes, not always, I try to go the extra mile because I don’t want to be accused of being lazy. I try to hire black because I don’t want to be accused of not supporting my people. I knew all these things were a part of my makeup and upbringing but again it didn’t come to the forefront of my conscience until I became an employer and not an employee.

While my mindset and attitude have changed on the matter, I do understand the old way of thinking. I know I might get a whole lot of hate for this but from my personal experience I have found black people to be the most unsupportive ethnic group I’ve come across. We are a people raised on self-preservation. Even after we’ve ‘made it’; we pass our prejudices on to the next generation whether it’s real or imagined. It surprises me to this day that some black folx still think the white man is trying to keep them down. They don’t stop to think 'well what am I doing to lift myself up'.

Now I find myself on the flip side of my own criticisms and prejudices and hope people see beyond the color of my skin. Yes, it’s a slap in the face when a black person comments, “You wouldn’t… if I were white.” I would hope that I would even if you were plaid.

I also recognize that blacks intentionally don’t patronize us because we are a black owned business. Add to that we’re loud black people. Due to the loud factor, the bourgsie (sp.) black folx stay away. Then you look at the fact that our lines our predominantly non-black, the black folx at the other end of the spectrum don’t patronize us because they figure of food is not black enough or they don’t want to be part of the stereotype of black folx and barbecue (or soul food). On more than one occasion we’ve gotten “you guys feed white folx, they don’t know nothing about food” or point to themselves indicating their skin color is why they know better. Again, this knowledge is based on firsthand knowledge and experience.

A little off topic but still applicable to the topic of black folx and business are conversations among blacks about people of Latin/Hispanic descent sticking together and empowering each other. In the same vein of conversation, they are cursed for taking a job you didn’t want in the first place. And even still you get pissed that someone won’t offer you a job you’re not qualified for or pay you more than whoever based on ”hook a brotha/sista up.” Moreover, these same people have done nothing to support your business prior to asking for a hook-up. You get “ah man, you know how it is.” Yes I do, so step.

Backtracking a bit to the conference, when we went to hear the main speaker at the conference I asked Diva Q was I the only ‘sprinkle’ in the room. Not only is Diva white but she’s Canadian. I had to explain to her what I meant. She found this extremely hilarious but also realized it was true. We later got on this conversation again when we were in a different group setting and now I consider her a half sprinkle and Melissa Cookston of Yazoo Delta Q and the only FEMALE World Champion Pitmaster, is Vanilla sprinkle. In our little click that developed, we became known as Bitches in Smoke. Okay, okay I’m getting back on topic.

I read an article way back when about how quickly a dollar leaves a community. I believe the article was Where is the Black Dollar going?, and it’s still true today if not more so. Even more depressing to me is that I am hard pressed to find a black community in Los Angeles where black dollars CAN be circulated. Again, my opinion, experience and this article shows the decline of the black community. Black communities have been torn down because they feel they are entitled to WHATEVER just because someone else was able to obtain it. Forget the struggle and sacrifice they may have endured (I’m speaking of legitimate endeavors) to obtain the riches they have. We as black people are like the proverbial crabs in a bucket, bite off your nose to spite your face and any other applicable cliché. You don’t know how many times I’ve seen friends and family members do dirt to each other because they wanted something the easy way. They don’t ask themselves did they earn it or deserve it.

This lack of support is even more prevalent when it comes to black people supporting black businesses. When you do well and succeed as a black business owner you are accused of acting white or kissing up to the white man. When you fail then you failed because you’re black. There is just no happy medium. The ones that really get me are pissed because you won’t let them ride your coattail of hard work and success. You’re labeled a sellout. Whatever man.

In my personal and business life, Neil and my cousin Ernae get on me for calling everyone Sweetie. That’s because everyone starts the same with me. If also diffuses some of the bad attitude you may have gotten with a somber “May I help you.” Now catch me on the flip side of that sweetheart and I can get a completely new set of names for you. Nevertheless, I don’t resort to that level unless I just let myself be caught unaware and swept up in the moment.

Doing business is just that, doing business. Respect others to get respect. Don’t fall into the trap others set for you. That just gives them the ammunition to say, “See, I told you” because s/he’s black. I do my best to own up to my mistakes I make, not because I don’t want people to see the flaws in my blackness but because I want to be thought of as a professional, ethical business woman.

Like is said in the beginning a lot of this from firsthand experience. Heck, it was ME and how I viewed the world. So don't let my opinions and experiences upset you. They are like noses, everybody has one (gotcha).

I know there is more I can say on this subject but I’m gonna hush up now.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Happily Partnered

This post is for the benefit of my mother-in-law who I love dearly. Seeing as how she feels we're airing our dirty laundry she may not appreciate this post. She felt my last post was inappropriate and in poor taste. Hopefully this post will help to put her mind at rest and help her understand why I post the things I do.

Just so the world knows Neil and I ARE happily married and partnered. One of the reasons this is so is because we can TALK and VENT and MOVE ON. This was not always so with me. It's something Neil taught me. My former self would have left long before we even got to the married stage. That's not to say I've totally given up my stubborn streak (as my loving husband reminds me) but it has been a long time since I've wasted energy not speaking to those I want to keep in my life for any extended period of time.

One of the things I love and admire about my husband is his ability to get passed things. Sometimes I think he should vent more but oh well that's a blog post for him. One of the good qualities about our marriage is we know each other's strengths even if others do not. And although there is occasional breakdown in our communication I love the fact that we have enough love and respect for each other to argue/disagree and still be friends.

The point of my post is not to demean or hurt me, Neil, our business or our marriage. It's just to illustrate the struggles we face while trying to build the Bigmista empire. Hopefully it shows that while we disagree we continue to move forward TOGETHER in our journey. The only thing that would ever separate us is that I would want my own clean bathroom I don't have to share with Neil. We'll be neighbors so that I will be in time for dinner (HA HA HA HA HA).

Mind you I started this post before I went in the hospital on Wednesday so don't think I've been holding this in my head all this time.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Is It A Man Thing

I started this entry so long ago I'm not even angry about it anymore but that won't stop me from venting.

It started out as me being angry and resentful of Neil. While I don't really want to be in the lime light (I'm not a trophy wife in the PHYSICAL sense being the reason) but everyone, and by everyone I mean men (most brethren excluded), seems to think Neil is the only one running this business.

When Neil was approached about doing the article for The District Weekly it was inferred as being about interesting Long Beach residents. When my husband and the writer made the meeting for the interview it was on a Monday early afternoon when I would be at work. Granted I could have taken off to be there but neither my husband nor the interviewer asked for my presence. Neil came home expressing how he spoke about me (as if I couldn't have spoken for myself), and Glenn as if that earned him some points or something. Neil and I started a conversation about my resentment behind this and his stock answer "well baby what do you want me to do." Not a damn thing now. We never got around to revisiting the conversation but I'm sure another opportunity will present itself.

While I'm not implying that Neil is only the cook and face of Bigmista's Barbecue, but anytime there are new ideas I usually have to badger Neil until he sees the value in it. If I didn't think it all the way through and he points out the flaws then we drop it. I never make any decisions without discussing them with him even if I already know he's going to agree with me. I don't always get that courtesy. Neil if you say I do consider yourself cyber slapped.

Neil thinks I magically create money because I usually work our finances so that we can make things happen. I do this when it's something we've discussed. But at this very minute Neil has gone shopping for something. Do you think he checked any of our finances or considered if it will interfere with any pending purchases, no. But if it has a negative impact in some way he'll say "well baby why didn't you tell me." I have alerts from our bank go to his email. Out of the last 8, he's opened 1. He says I always tell him we don't have money for this or that but he conveniently forgets the reason we don't have the money for one thing is because we spent it on something else. Until we are financially well off we have to choose what will and won't get purchased. Or in my case I have to remind him that he spent money on X so he can't have Y.

Guys are always asking Neil about the business side of things that he doesn't even take care of. Neil will give them half ass answers that they eat up because of our current success. The Brethren are a great resource for a lot of information but I even they are only so forthcoming with information. It's like asking them their bbq secrets. Because friend or no friend you are still competition to a certain extent and everyone wants to consider themselves the best. And along the same lines, some things I don't mind sharing but when I bust my ass to get something done I'm not so free and easy with the information. To me it's like copying my homework after I've studied all week and you played. The little I know about this business I've learned as we go. We have some bbq friends that have been doing this far longer and successfully then we have but none within proximity that I can sit down and pick their brains about the business side. And then if it's out of state information I have to find out the California laws, regs and the like to make sure we're in compliance. Neil glazes over when it comes to these types of conversations just like I get glossy eyed after too much barbecue talk.

This was a lot angrier when I originally had it in my head.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

BBQ Is Not My Life

I'm having a bbq widow moment. My husband is in the bathroom listening to the BBQ Central Show. I know you're thinking TMI. It would be if he were using the facilities as intended. It's more like office time for him. He claims it's the only time he has any peace. But that's only if Morgan is occupied. She's not at the modesty stage yet.

They are talking about the new BBQ Pitmaster show that's coming to TLC. You would think after being in business (on paper) for over a year now I would have developed more of an interest in BBQ. Sadly, I still don't care. I do care about supporting my husband and eating good que but beyond that "miss me."

What makes most of this bearable is the satisfaction my husband gets for putting out a good product and hearing others rave about his food.

He received an email from a guy that came to the Torrance Farmer's Market today that made my chest swell with pride. Please allow me to share:

Hi.

We met today at the Torrance Farmer's market. I was the guy that said he'd been looking for a good pork sandwich since Russ Wright's Pit BBQ in Orlando Fl went out of business in 1974 and you said "It's hard to compete with a memory." Well, you did and ... if you're not AS good .... you're AS CLOSE as it's been in 35 years of searching across 22 states. And when I say 22 states, I mean it -- let me tell you, when you're in Mississippi and you tell some guy that his pork isn't as good as you've had in Florida, you have to be serious about finding good food. Congratulations.

Russ and I became friends enough for him to tell me that he smoked his port over oak and hickory, to show me that you can't cut pork into slices unless it's raw, cold or very badly cooked ... and that his sauce was the key and he claimed that what made the difference was that he used actual hog lard as the base. Sadly, not friends enough to get the recipe which dies with him in 1974.

Anyway, you're at the top of my list for good BBQ and I'm not at all about chasing farmer's markets throughout the southland to be able to bring home a meal!

Regards
Darrel

It is stuff like this that allows me to let him live his dream. That coupled with the fact that we beat out the big boys for Best BBQ in L.A. on MyFoxLA. Granted it would be much easier if he went back to a 9-5 but hell who wants easy.

My mom asked about our finances and I told her the truth. No I'm not sharing the details with ya'll (Paula Deen moment). She told my aunt I walk around like nothing's wrong. To me it isn't. Why worry about something I wouldn't change. Not that I want to, but if we have to tear our lives down to build it back up, so be it. As long as I'm the wife with benefits, I got this

I know, I know. The line between bbq widow and loving/supportive wife shifts, grays, fades, whatever. I need a drink.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Jealous Heffa's

I didn’t realize it would be such a challenge just to put some words to paper (okay computer) every once in a while. Anyway let me see if I can catch up. It may be long or the rest may wait til another day.

Anyway, I meant to vent about last Thursday at the El Segundo. Boy I was hot like fish grease – AFTER I HAD A CHANCE TO MARINATE ON IT. So we expected to be busy after the Tasting Table article came out Wednesday. And I told you about how Neil’s twitter following more than doubled by the end of the day. Well honey let me tell you...

Usually it takes maybe an hour or so before they get busy. This particular day was not the case. When I called to check in they were already in full swing. I had asked my cousin earlier that day to help out. Boy was I grateful for that.

I got there about my usual time after work. I could not believe our line was as long as it was and people were still coming. My cousin, Ernae looked flustered taking orders and Neil and Glenn couldn’t get the food out fast enough. So I jumped right in. I sliced my first brisket, ya’ll. I kept telling the customers to take pictures because I didn’t know when they would see anything like this again.

Me, Neil and Glenn always act silly when we’re together and the crowd seems to love it. Ernae didn’t find it quite so funny. I told her to lighten up and smile she told me that she had to be nice to the crowd, not to me. A couple of our regulars tried to jump the line by shouting the orders directly to Neil. Cousin wasn’t having that. Neil gave him his first anyway. Nae threatened to walk off at least twice, we asked her not to.

So the evening progresses on and we’re down to our last few scraps of meat and a few customers. One was a female in the military. I don’t know which branch. Neil gave her a taste while she was standing in line and we told her anything she got was $7. There wasn’t much to choose from but she said give me whatever you have. As Neil and Glenn continue to prepare food for a family with small children, this military female nibbled her food and licked her fingers waiting to see if anything was left. She took the last of the burnt ends from the cutting board. The only thing left in the way of meat was 1½ sausage links. There was a woman with the family mentioned earlier that couldn’t decide what she wanted. After tasting from her party she came back and got the last sausage and a half.

So moving on… Neil goes to pay our market fee and they’re packing up. The market manager’s assistant comes and tells me that she wants to see the lady. He said he didn’t know which but she wanted to see her. Since I was the only woman that she dealt with I went over. Do you know what she told me? The other vendors were complaining that we were STEALING THEIR CUSTOMERS. They claimed that because we offered everything the customers weren’t visiting the other booths. By everything they meant the cupcakes and mac and cheese we served that day. Now desserts I can understand because they have lady with a dessert booth. But we only sold 11 cupcakes the whole time we were there. Also how in the hell does mac and cheese stop the sale of crepes, Chinese food kettle corn and the like? The way she put it was that we keep adding something new to the menu. When I gave her the menu I said we do side dishes, I didn’t specify what they were. Again she was right about the cupcakes but she can kiss my whole @$$ about the macaroni and cheese.

While I was there speaking with her I was calm and didn’t think much of it but the closer I got to my car the hotter I got. I explained the situation to everyone and we all got fired up. We had people come from Thousand Oaks and Diamond Bar and such for OUR barbecue. Neil and I put ourselves out there to promote our business. I’m a member of the El Segundo Chamber of Commerce. I didn’t see any of them at the last mixer. So please tell me how you’re promoting your business.

I plan to print out Bigmista’s reviews from various sources as well as the email Neil received from the food editor of the Los Angeles Times and tell them all to blow it out their collective @$$es. Yes I’m still a little mad. What will be there excuse when we’re not selling cupcakes and mc this week?

Oh and Neil informed me that Britt’s Barbecue won’t come to El Segundo unless we leave. This is information Neil got from the market manager. I’m like what the hell? We’re only there for four hours a week. What harm could we possibly do to your business if your food is good? There are restaurants all around us, right behind us as a matter of fact, that are open during the market. So he’s another you can add to the a-kiss list because we’re not leaving any time soon.

Okay this has gone on long enough. I will tell you guys about last Saturday hopefully before this Saturday gets here.

SMOOCHES

Thursday, April 16, 2009

How Does That Help Me Now

As some of you know Neil does bbq competitions with his fellow teammates and bloggers, Four Q. When they decided to do their first competition in 2006, their motto was “have fun/don’t come in last”. They took fifth in ribs. When Neil decided that he wanted to do more competitions, we agreed that the household funds would not be used to support his habit.

The way he fed this monkey was to raise money by cooking. His first cook was on the house as seed money. That money had to be turned over to make more money. Yet another clue as to how we got here. The more he competed the more he wanted to compete. It was no longer about just having fun he wanted to win.

Fast forwarding, Neil no longer cooks for “the fun of it”; it’s to make a living. He now feels that money from the business should be used to support his competition fix. Something I failed to mention was that whenever the team won, Bigmista pocketed the money for more competitions. This is even after he started using business money to compete. Now for the most part I would agree this would now be a vein of the business accept for the fact that 1) he competes under Four Q, not Bigmista, 2) the competitions are on days that we have markets. We’re a one trick pony until the new smoker arrives and preps for the fixins’ (sink, etc.), and if he has the equipment the only money we would make is if he won, and 3) the business is putting out money for gas, meat, and competition fees that we may not recoup. And if he makes nothing he looks to the business account for money for his next fix.

Now while I love Sylvie (Soul Fusion Kitchen), Shu (Professor Salt) and Luis (BBQ Junkie), and wish Four Q would win every competition it does nothing for my family as a whole to have my family’s livelihood at the mercy of some judge’s taste bud. I have explained to Neil that right now his reward should be the fact that he is making money doing something he loves as well as the fact that people are lining up for his food and spreading the word at an alarming rate.

Our last discussion about this he told me that he made a commitment to the team and I reminded him that his commitment to me and his daughter come first. He had no response. I also reminded him of his post on the bbq-brethren about business before comps. Guess who is still leaving on the 24th. He tries to pacify me by saying he’s not doing anymore this year. BIG WOO!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Someone Find Me Some Help

Well Neil had a write up on the Tasting Table. They visited the Watts market this past Saturday and stopped by Atwater on Sunday coming from Pasadena. This write up blew up his twitter following by 100% at last look. Now mind you Bigmista Neil and I had a disagreement this morning and I threatened him with a 9-5 because I could not find the receipt book for Torrance (Tuesday) market. So if I'm frustrated behind that, what will my life be like with even more numbers to crunch?

Torrance market is the only one I am unable to attend on a regular basis since it is during the day. I wasn't up to doing the receipts last night so I decided to bring them to work and do it on my lunch hour. No one knew where the daggone receipt book was. Depending on any given day, there are 3-6 ppl at a market and two of them live in my house. Neither one of them could tell me where to find the book.

I am humbled and grateful for my husband’s success but someone take pity on the great and powerful oz behind the screen. And don't get it twisted, I know it's all about the food but one of the reasons it took Neil so long to accept his calling is because I refused to become a restaurant management type and he just wants to cook. So not only do I crunch numbers, I create and send out catering quotes and contracts, contact markets to see if they have openings, etc. So a sista is tired.

We have Vonage, which I love, and it allows us to forward the business number to our various phones. The phones were ringing so much after the Tasting Table blast this morning that I had to take my number off the simulring list. I sent the link to my cousin and she told me she was already on their list but hadn’t received anything. When she checked again she proceeded to tell me what a big deal this was.

So unless I teach Ms. Morgan how to type and answer phones, I am in for a world of hurt.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Where I Went Wrong

Well it's Saturday morning. Morgan is still sleep and I hear the van outside rumbling getting ready to take Neil to the Watts Farmer's Market. The house is quiet which is rare when everyone is awake and home. I used to go with them but since Watts is slow, two people can handle it.

My mom used to watch Morgan for me on Saturday but I got her and my cousin selling Bigmista desserts at the Watts market now, so it's just me and Morgan. Most people try to sleep in on Saturday morning. I get up after everyone is gone and enjoy the peace and quit before Ms. Morgan shows her happy face. And it's because of this peace and quiet that I can now sit and type.

For those of you who don't know the meaning of the word widow used in this context it means my husband gives his life for all things bbq. My descent into this world started soon after our marriage in 2004. Before that it was the computer. She's still his other woman but comes up way short now.

But even before we were married but after we were living together I tried to convince Neil to go to culinary school. He just has a natural knack for food. He was working from home as a web designer so it was the perfect opportunity, since most the classes were during the day. Needless to say he didn't listen and went to school to get his CCNA. He was doing quite well, but I can’t remember the reason, he stopped going after needing only one class to finish. I forgot to mention that my husband is very book smart as well. He was heavily recruited out of high school because of his football AND academic skills.

Okay, I’m back I will try not to digress to much but our past ties into so many things we do now that Neil and I refer to it often. Anywho Neil is a fabulous cook all the way around. For our first date it fixed me jambalaya with a cucumber and tomato salad. We never parted much after that. He even wrote a cookbook titled Secret Sex Recipes to Get You Laid. I will tell you more about that later. He started hanging out on this website called the BBQ-Brethren. When Neil posted how he cooked ribs they literally laughed at him for days. If he were an emotional man he would have cried from all the flack he took.

After posting, reading and becoming friends with a few of the guys on the site Neil decided he wanted a smoker. At that time we lived in a two bedroom apartment, UPSTAIRS, with a balcony. Me being the wife I am said sure. I didn’t know he was going to drag me around to look at the darn things. Neil is one of the few men who like to shop as long as it’s for MANLY things. He finally settled on a char griller minus the woodbox. I was the family handyman but Neil decided he wanted to be the one to put this thing together since it was his.

And so it began.